Structure

"Firm, consistent limits"

1. Firm = means: solid, stable. Not wishy washy. Not mean.
   For me, this means that no is no. I can't change my mind or scream because I am frustrated. I can not make "empty threats": like "you are grounded for a year" when I know I can't enforce it.
2. Consitent = means: agreement, uniform action
   Now I must stand behind what I say without engaging in a "battle of wills". The same rules must apply whether the child is at home, school, friends, or elsewhere. Now, I have figured out that a lot is beyond my control, such as going to a friends house where the rules are different. But I can limit the time, making it the same for all my daughter's friends. She can go to the friends house but has to check in (by phone or coming home) every hour. No exceptions. If not minded then grounded from going to ANY friends for 24 hrs. Your rules may change depending on the age of your child and the circumstances. Don't forget that the rules must be enforcable (have consequences).
3. Limits = means: point where something ends.
   This includes everything like time on the phone, grounding (I limit ALL grounding a 24hr period), and time out (for us it is 10min at a time). Sit down and make a list of all the things that need limits set, then be firm and consistent about them.

So what does all this mean?